As part of my attempts to heal my MS, I started to see an “energy therapist”. This person is a psychologist, but she is “different”. I can’t really explain her right now, but I’m sure I will at some point in a separate blog article. For now, I’ll call her Dr. Energy.
Anyway, as part of my energy therapy sessions, Dr. Energy keeps telling me that I’m very angry. Lately, she keeps pointing out to me that I have a focus on everything being “unfair”. She won’t stop talking about it, and to be honest, it’s extremely annoying sometimes. But I think that’s only because I feel like she’s telling me that I’m doing something wrong by being angry and by having anger. I FEEL that way, but I have no evidence to support my feeling. In fact, Dr. Energy also keeps telling me that anger is a “moral” and therefore justified, natural emotion. She has NEVER told me that I’m doing anything wrong by being angry or by having anger. Babies express anger when they’re hungry. It’s a NATURAL, HUMAN emotion. Dr. Energy has explained the moral quality of human anger to me many times. My conditioning in this area seems super thick and hasn’t broken apart yet. But I think I’m making some progress, slow progress, but progress. (Note to self: may write future blog articles about my impatience, wanting things to happen on my timeline, etc. etc., but let’s keep focus here.)
Dr. Energy has asked me if I can feel the anger in my body. Although it’s been a process that has taken me some time, I can now say that I’m STARTING to feel the anger in my body. I don’t like it. It feels yucky. It feels really sticky, and I visualize it as a dark, tar-like substance trying to work it’s way around each crook and cranny in my body. Between, my bones and my organs, and my tendons, and my ligaments, it’s slowly oozing around. It’s really gross. No human body should have a moral emotion turn into something that feels like a stuck, black, tar-like substance. NOT GOOD.
So let’s see. If I really had this horrible sounding substance getting stuck in and around all parts of my body, it probably wouldn’t feel too wonderful. I imagine it could create all types of pain and illness. Chest tightness, nerve pain, nausea, headaches, feelings of constantly needing to pee. This all seems pretty logical.
Feeling of a stuck, black, tar-like substance slowly oozing through my body = any and all types of body pain and/or discomfort.
Simple, straight-forward, makes sense. Not medically, scientifically validated by any means. Still, I can pretty much buy into my analogy almost %100.
But wait. The types of pain and body discomfort I just mentioned above are supposed to be my MS symptoms. You know, those symptoms that no one in medicine is able to cure. The symptoms from the disease that doesn’t have a proven, known, clearly-defined cause. Hmmmm.
But there are those MRI scans showing lesions in my brain…so…I DO HAVE MS. Right? “Yeah Sue, don’t be an idiot. You have MS. Stop being in denial! You need to reach acceptance about your diagnosis and move on!”
The rubber meets the road for me…again. My mind, my body, and my soul all meet up. My mind acts like a big, idiotic bully. Wow! I just realized that. Just now in this moment. Aha! My soul believes something, my mind shuts it up and doesn’t respect its opinion (or even let my soul have an opinion), and the dance continues…my soul is ignored, my body stays in pain, and Dr. Energy keeps telling me that I’m very angry. Hmmmm…
Well, here’s an idea. What if my mind could just shut the hell up for a little bit and be a freakin’ decent part of my body for a bleepin’ second. How about that? “Hey brain, how about if we just stop ignoring our soul for one bleepin’ day and actually just listen to it?” I mean, again, this seems pretty straight forward.
Belief from my soul + brain’s nasty criticism of my soul’s belief = crushed soul = pain in my body.
If this process happens over and over again, it’s likely that my soul is eventually gonna act out. A soul can only take so much before it starts to be pretty pissed off. If it can’t have an opinion, it’s probably gonna make itself heard in some other way.
So brain, let’s have a trial run this week. You have all those lesions you’re dealing with anyway, so why don’t you just sit back and take a well-deserved break. How about if we allow our soul to have a say this week? Let’s just see what happens. It’s just for one week. How bad can it be? I’m not saying we have to give our soul control of our life completely, but let’s just see if our soul makes any good points? Let’s see how our body feels if we give our soul some say. Okay? One week. That’s it, and then we evaluate our results.
I’m a little scared now. But THIS IS happening. And it’s Halloween! No better time than now to deal with my black, sticky, oozing tar! Let’s do this thing!!! Happy Halloween!