It’s been quite a while since my last post, and that’s for many reasons. The list could go on and on…MS symptoms, the holidays, responsibilities, family, blah…blah…blah. The list is true, BUT, it’s really not about all that.
It’s really about abandonment (I just realized that as I was writing!). It’s about abandonment…of myself!!! WOW!
This is a huge revelation for me in this very moment. HOLY COW!!
Writing REALLY is powerful for me. AND, now I know why God has been nudging me to do it. Thank you God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
As I sit here stunned, wondering where to go from here (I was planning on writing about my New Year’s resolution to write a blog post at least once per week), my mind is racing. The feeling of overwhelm comes over me. It’s not the good type of overwhelm, it’s the stressful type. I’m pressuring myself now…bad habit, but let me explain.
I often feel as if I HAVE to do something, I have to do it perfectly, and it has to be done NOW. I actually feel scared that if I don’t do whatever it is that my mind thinks it has to do, or if I don’t do it correctly, or it I don’t do it quick enough, (or any combo of these choices), something terrible is going to happen. It’s a feeling of doom…JUST realized that also!!
I guess maybe it can be summed up by two words: doubt and mistrust. I doubt myself, and I don’t trust God.
I wasn’t born feeling that way. Life made me feel that way. But you know what? It’s all good. It really, really is. Because NOW, I’m on my way back to being born. I’m on my way back to myself. AND…
There’s no huge rush.