Finally understanding what trauma did to me.

“We must observe what we see around us and label it correctly; we must also be able to trust our memories and be able to tell them apart from our imagination. Losing the ability to make these distinctions is one sign of what psychoanalyst William Niederson called ‘soul murder‘.”

Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D., The Body Keeps The Score (New York: Penguin Books, 2014)

I’ve written many “first posts” in my attempts to get this blog started. Here I sit, once again, hoping that this will ACTUALLY end up being my first published post.

I’ve been on a long “healing journey.” I really hate to use that phrase because it seems so cliche. Maybe I’ll get better at using more creative phrases to make my writing more interesting and unique…maybe I won’t…maybe my writing is interesting and unique. I don’t know, but it’s all okay. I’m okay.

I haven’t finished my official introduction post yet. Here’s a list of the important facts about me that I’ll describe more fully in future blog posts:

  • Almost 40 years ago, I experienced childhood trauma involving the sudden death of my father. Afterwards, I experienced ongoing trauma in my home.
  • Almost 20 years ago, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis/MS.
  • For most of my life, my soul was dead and buried, but I didn’t even know it.
  • One year ago, I went to the beach and a special seagull drew my attention. As I continued to watch this seagull, I suddently felt my soul take a long, deep breath. It felt…miraculous. This seagull was from a higher place. It brought me peace, and I felt loved. Suddenly…everything could be okay.

Since I have Multiple Sclerosis, my blog posts are going to be somewhat short because I run out of energy and stamina to keep going. I fatigue easily, and I’m getting to that point now. I’ll just close by saying that my hopes for this blog are for it to spread awareness about childhood trauma and its effects on future physical health, to raise awareness about Multiple Sclerosis in particular, and to share my experiences in order to show that childhood trauma, physical health, and our true connection to self are all connected. When we start to find our way back to true self, it’s nothing short of a miracle.

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